> Meet girlfriends parents for the first time
> They're rich and have this awesome piano in the living room
> Have a great time with her parents
> Ask about piano and they say it used to belong to grandmother (not dead though, lol)
> Offer to play something
> Play (and sing) Robbies Williams - She's the One
> Mother awed, blushing girlfriend, impressed father and sister complaining she never gets guys like me :D
Or that same year during last school PE.
> Playing baseball on a beautiful spring day
> Some jock dude makes an epic hit
> I believe I can catch it anyway and start running like a mad man, while everyone starts cheering
> Ball starts to make a quick descent and I'm afraid I won't reach it
> Make a stretched jump, barely grab the ball, fall to the ground and stop by making a somersault.
> Raise my hand showing the ball to practically half the school :D
I'm expecting some epic stories, anons.
For the record, that song is sh*t, but it was pretty big back then so it paid off.
I once bought a candybar from a vending machine, and it gave me two, meaning I got one for FREE!
I once bought a candybar from a vending machine, and it gave me two, meaning I got one for FREE!
Same thing happened to me but with a Pepsi. It was basically the best day of my life.
I once bought a candybar from a vending machine, and it gave me two, meaning I got one for FREE!
aw sh*t, yeah.
some how a bag of chips clogged the opening, and people kept buying stuff to knock the goods all down. little did they know, the door blocked the items from falling. I swooped in, pushed the door to let it fall through, bought a stick of gum, and ate a bunch of sh*t that I didn't need to begin with.
>Has to go to sh*tty award ceremony in high school
>Announcer moves to the arts awards
>Announces my name as winner of the National choir award
>awesomeface.jpg
I have never done anything remotely cool in my entire life.
I went to a vending machine and there was already a dollar in it. I selected my favorite candy bar, and it gave me two.
You hear that mother f**kers. TWO free candy bars.
>Playing baseball in gym class
>batting
>Girl tells her friend(loudly) "Imagine he actually hits it?"
>Hit home run
>F**k yeah.
Starcraft Beta Key on the first goddamn wave.
I didn't even get an e-mail about it; but for some reason I went to check my bnet account anyway, and lo and behold, it was right there ready to be downloaded. F**k yeah.
I went to a vending machine and there was already a dollar in it. I selected my favorite candy bar, and it gave me two.
You hear that mother f**kers. TWO free candy bars.
Whoa man, you need to slow down. If you got a 3rd free candybar, you'd die from happiness.
>jerking to porn
>feel my load growing
>guy blows load on girls face
>I blow load onto hand at same time
>need i say more?
f**k yea.
>went out of my apartment during daytime
>f**k yeah
>Vending machine takes dollar
>Vending machine keeps dollar
>Vending machine doesn't give item
>I own the vending machine.
>Karate national championship; ages 14/16 (Netherlands)
>The opponent I was facing was this kid who actually had a reputation for being a mean ass bastard
>A friend of this kid loudly yells, 'beat this sissy up, you got him easily!'
>Beat him so hard he starts crying :D
>Win the f**king national tournament
He later complained to me that I shouldn't have won because I hit him in the throat, lol.
Like I cared anyway, he kicked two kids in the nuts. He was a real piece of sh*t.
>grade 8 basketball team
>play on 2nd string
>steal ball from chump under our basket
>he turns, and we sprint side by side down the side of the court, neck and neck
>i edge past him and turn hard, driving to the basket
>keep going under the basket
>FINGER ROLL that sh*t up and into the basket from the other side.
>whole school cheers
>minor celebrity for a week
>go back to getting picked the following week >.>
>get baked, go outside, it's raining
>I love the rain
>meet up with gf
>make out with her in rain while high
>f**k yea
>Playing Garou Mark of the Wolves
>playing with GLORIOUS TIZOC
>low health, my enemy is jumping around trying to KO me
>manage to get a JUST DEFEND
>GUARD CANCEL THE JUST DEFEND IN A P-POWER BIG FALL
>A F**KAWESOME DOUBLE 360 IN LESS THAN HALF A SECOND
>USING KEYBOARD
Well, that's it folks. I can die at peace.
lol OP, playing piano is really aweomse.
>at friends house
>start playing some waltz on piano
>friends parents congratulate me
>female girlfriends house
>"oooh nice piano"
>"it was my grandmothers"
>play some Grace Kelly, I know girls like
>friends mom walks by
>shocked
>everyone loves me
Had a laugh with Sylvester Stallone on the set of Rocky Balboa.
He put his hand on my shoulder and told me I was a real funny guy. :D
my most epic bus ride:
>riding on the bus
>bus is about to skip the place I need to stop
>rush to the door and tell the driver im going down
>bus opens the door while still moving
>jump off the bus while movement
>land with one foot
>step on the other foot
>momentum makes me do a 360 spin
>look around
>everyone staring
>F**K YEAH!
Had a laugh with Sylvester Stallone on the set of Rocky Balboa.
He put his hand on my shoulder and told me I was a real funny guy. :D
Liar. Sylvester Stallone is the biggest a**hole ever to work with. He's fired people for just looking at him.
Liar. Sylvester Stallone is the biggest a**hole ever to work with. He's fired people for just looking at him.
>Sylvester Stallone is the biggest a**hole. Period.
>see guy get ripped off by a pop vending machine
>decide to try my luck with it, got 3 free pops
>amagamblingman.jpg
>Be 10 years old
>Sitting in room with tons of other girls
>All talking with counselor about our accomplishments
>Other girls: 'I JUST GOT A BOYFRIEND LOL'
>Me: I just got my black belt in Tang Soo Do
>No one believes me
>Summon over notorious a**hole of 5th grade
>Use difficult karate I had to use for my black belt test on him
>He falls to the ground and starts to cry
>Everyone claps and believes me
F**k yeah.
>play In-a-Gadda-Da-Vida live
>fell asleep while playing
>wake up
>band still playing
>crowd still cheering
>BUST MASSIVE SOLO
>Playing Garou Mark of the Wolves
>playing with GLORIOUS TIZOC
>low health, my enemy is jumping around trying to KO me
>manage to get a JUST DEFEND
>GUARD CANCEL THE JUST DEFEND IN A P-POWER BIG FALL
>A F**KAWESOME DOUBLE 360 IN LESS THAN HALF A SECOND
>USING KEYBOARD
Well, that's it folks. I can die at peace.
I've always wondered if there would be a Capcom vs. SNK 3, and if we'd get to see a rivalry between T. Hawk and Tizoc.
>neighbours knock on to tell my gf to keep it down at night
>I'm 17
Liar. Sylvester Stallone is the biggest a**hole ever to work with. He's fired people for just looking at him.
I don't work in the movie industry, but I'm related to one of the producers and he was aware of that.
He seemed friendly to me. :|
>Played in a pretty sh*tty hardcore punk band
>Tour around, have fun, but have disagreements with the frontman
>Quit for like a year
>Go to a Left Over Crack show out of town
>Get wasted
>See bunches of kids wearing my old band's t-shirts
>Go up to them and tell them "F**K [band]! THEY'RE ALL FA**OTS."
>Hear one of the kids say, "Dude... that was [band]'s bass player."
F**k yeah.
>Played in a pretty sh*tty hardcore punk band
>Tour around, have fun, but have disagreements with the frontman
>Quit for like a year
>Go to a Left Over Crack show out of town
>Get wasted
>See bunches of kids wearing my old band's t-shirts
>Go up to them and tell them "F**K [band]! THEY'RE ALL FA**OTS."
>Hear one of the kids say, "Dude... that was [band]'s bass player."
F**k yeah.
"Leftover" is one word.
And f**k you man, I've never seen 'em due to them NEVER crossing the northern border.
>Played in a pretty sh*tty hardcore punk band
>Tour around, have fun, but have disagreements with the frontman
>Quit for like a year
>Go to a Left Over Crack show out of town
>Get wasted
>See bunches of kids wearing my old band's t-shirts
>Go up to them and tell them "F**K [band]! THEY'RE ALL FA**OTS."
>Hear one of the kids say, "Dude... that was [band]'s bass player."
F**k yeah.
Also, just curious, what band were you in?
>Played in a pretty sh*tty hardcore punk band
>Tour around, have fun, but have disagreements with the frontman
>Quit for like a year
>Go to a Left Over Crack show out of town
>Get wasted
>See bunches of kids wearing my old band's t-shirts
>Go up to them and tell them "F**K [band]! THEY'RE ALL FA**OTS."
>Hear one of the kids say, "Dude... that was [band]'s bass player."
F**k yeah.
What band.
>play field hockey in PE in high school
>do awesome job as goalie
>get tired of stopping pucks and decide I want to hit one pretty good
>wind up Happy Gilmore style and smack the sh*t out of the puck
>hit some girl who was ducking (who was also on my team) right in the face as she lets out a AAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
>cannot stop laughing loudly and pointing at her as everyone is trying to ask her if she's OK and giving me evil looks
"Leftover" is one word.
And f**k you man, I've never seen 'em due to them NEVER crossing the northern border.
Also, just curious, what band were you in?
>"Leftover" is one word.
You're right, my bad.
You've never heard us, we'd never left Florida because the guitarist was a lameass, but I was in 1984.
It's technically a coverband. The frontman was the drummer of a Florida hardcore band in the 80's called Sector 4. He decided to start it up again and recruited me and this other kid to tour. We had some sh*t lined up in the future, but I got bored with the material and wanted to move on, so I quit.
>"Leftover" is one word.
You're right, my bad.
You've never heard us, we'd never left Florida because the guitarist was a lameass, but I was in 1984.
It's technically a coverband. The frontman was the drummer of a Florida hardcore band in the 80's called Sector 4. He decided to start it up again and recruited me and this other kid to tour. We had some sh*t lined up in the future, but I got bored with the material and wanted to move on, so I quit.
Actually rings a bell dude. I've got a collection of old show posters from Texas/Florida/Southern States back home, and I'm like 70% certain I've got one of yours.
I once bought a candybar from a vending machine, and it gave me two, meaning I got one for FREE!
Same thing happened to me but with a Pepsi. It was basically the best day of my life.
aw sh*t, yeah.
some how a bag of chips clogged the opening, and people kept buying stuff to knock the goods all down. little did they know, the door blocked the items from falling. I swooped in, pushed the door to let it fall through, bought a stick of gum, and ate a bunch of sh*t that I didn't need to begin with.
Your vending machine stories are sh*t compared to mine. I put two bucks in the machine and planned on getting two things, not realizing I would get the other dollar back in change. But the change I got back was amazing.
It was one of those f**king gold dollar coins. From a VENDING MACHINE. I put the coin back in to see if it would accept it and it immediately spit it back out.
THEN WHO WAS COIN? Seriously though, true story.
>friend says 'wow you've really f**ked up that word document now'
>reply 'at least I've f**ked something'
>moment of silence
>lottalaughs.jpg
Felt good man (he's a virgin and I'm not F**K YEAH AWFUL 1ST TIME SEX)
Your vending machine stories are sh*t compared to mine. I put two bucks in the machine and planned on getting two things, not realizing I would get the other dollar back in change. But the change I got back was amazing.
It was one of those f**king gold dollar coins. From a VENDING MACHINE. I put the coin back in to see if it would accept it and it immediately spit it back out.
THEN WHO WAS COIN? Seriously though, true story.
Good job anon, you're Canadian.
>Play (and sing) Robbies Williams - She's the One
Fa**ot.
You're just angry I can't play it for you. <3
Psycho Biscuit?
> Still in High school
> Join a Microsoft Training Course of a month
> Lot's of old dudes that earn their money by programming
> Finish course
> Best of class
I even got two fans in the process.
>meet cute girl and her cute friend in bar
>chat them up
>decide I want sex
>lure girl 1 to the bathroom
>rape her, kill her, leave body in bathroom stall
>go back out to girl 2, make excuse about girl 1 getting call and taking it outside
>lure girl 2 into bathroom
>rape and kill her, leave body in adjacent bathroom stall
Robert Downey Jr. rents my holiday home for a week and a half while shooting a movie.
Go out to meet him to sign papers.
Crack some jokes throughout.
He says I'm funny/a cool guy.
>F**K YEAH
Actually rings a bell dude. I've got a collection of old show posters from Texas/Florida/Southern States back home, and I'm like 70% certain I've got one of yours.
Wow, I've only met like 1 person in Florida who knew about Sector 4 without being in [drummer]'s circle of friends. That's pretty cool.
>Black best friend gets pissed off and says he is going to go Super Saiyan
>I quickly remark, "You can't be a Saiyan, the Saiyans are a perfect race."
>20+ people around us including friends/strangers burst into intense fits of laughter which lasts for at least 5 minutes
Man that was a good day.
Robert Downey Jr. rents my holiday home for a week and a half while shooting a movie.
Go out to meet him to sign papers.
Crack some jokes throughout.
He says I'm funny/a cool guy.
>F**K YEAH
>doesn't understand when RDJ is making fun of him
>>Senior year in high school
>>Ask girl that I've had a crush on for all four years to go to prom with me
>>She accepts
>>Then later tells me she doesnt want to go with me. Wants it to be a special night or whatever
>>Go to prom
>>Vote for myself as prom king then her as prom queen
>>Gather round at end of prom for announcement
>>Get voted King
>>Get a hot as queen
>>Also get girl that turned me down as my second queen
Feels good man, feels good.
Psycho Biscuit?
oh god, someone found the myspace.
I didn't come up with that bandname. Paul insisted it was awesome, and I was just like "whatever, man"
>doesn't understand when RDJ is making fun of him
nah man, he was sincere as f**k about it.
>At random party. Talking with friend.
>Girl comes up and asks if either of us are single.
>I say that I am.
>I get led by the hand to the toilet where I proceed to have a foursome with three girls. I think they were 16 and drunk.
>My status at school goes from "computer geek" to "legend", and carries me through the rest of school life.
Some men have greatness thrust upon them.
> be 15 and insecure shy boy
> Hanging out with friends at beach
> Laying on my stomach as three sexy as f**k girls start to talk to a friend of mine who they know
> I turn around to see what's up
> Girls go like, 'omg who's this hottie/cutie?!' and flock around me
> trollface.jpg (that's the face I put on, not that I was trolling or anything, lol).
Still a virgin though. T_T
>Group project in school.
>Friend has huge crush on girl so asks if she wants to go with him.
>She says, "OK, do you think we can get [anon] too?"
>He reluctantly agrees.
>She keeps saying sh*t like "haha you're so funny, do people tell you that?"/flirting with me and touching me.
>Friend gets pissed off.
>I hated him anyway
trollface dot f**king jay pee gee
>Learning how to bboy
>Still look like a nerdy high schooler
>Go to a club with a friend who's known there
>Bouncer won't let me in
>Friend says "It's cool, he's gonna be a dancer for the club"
>Bouncer laughs
>I dance
>Bounce stops laughing and tells me I'm in
>Feel really f**king cool
Similar, but far more recent
>Circle forms in a club
>Dance on the edge and get ready to go in
>Girl gets bitchy when I bump into her and tells me to leave it to real dancers
>Go in the circle and make everyone else look bad
>Make direct eye contact with bitch and see the shock on her face
>F**k yeah
Being a really good dancer who doesn't look that part is awesome.
>Sixth Grade
>school has a 1 Mile Run for "fun"
>student-teacher dude enters
>dude ended up playing Safety in the XFL (sh*t, I know)
>I finish 2nd behind him
>only lost by a few feet
>go on a class trip to a three day Camp in 4th Grade
>can see girls sleeping building if you look at the window and south
>slutty chick flashes the entire boys building
She ended up having 3 kids back-to-back-to-back with some ni**er. She was giving blowjobs in the 4th grade, so it didn't really shock anybody.
> be 15 and insecure shy boy
> Hanging out with friends at beach
> Laying on my stomach as three sexy as f**k girls start to talk to a friend of mine who they know
> I turn around to see what's up
> Girls go like, 'omg who's this hottie/cutie?!' and flock around me
> trollface.jpg (that's the face I put on, not that I was trolling or anything, lol).
Still a virgin though. T_T
Another one;
> At a party with friends when I was around 18 or so
> Make out with cute girl and since it was pretty late, we decided to head to her place right away
> Unfortunately her roommate was there with a friend, so no sex ensued.
> Fortunately, the next day during class my friends ask me if we had sex
> Since I come over as a friendly and humble guy, I say like, 'naw man, she's was virgin and all...'
> Friend shouts out, 'haha, not anymore she's not, lol'.
> Rest of the class compliments me on something that never happened.
> F**k yeah for pimp-status.
But yeah, the last sentence of the previous post still applies. T_T
>Sixth Grade
>school has a 1 Mile Run for "fun"
>student-teacher dude enters
>dude ended up playing Safety in the XFL (sh*t, I know)
>I finish 2nd behind him
>only lost by a few feet
>go on a class trip to a three day Camp in 4th Grade
>can see girls sleeping building if you look at the window and south
>slutty chick flashes the entire boys building
She ended up having 3 kids back-to-back-to-back with some ni**er. She was giving blowjobs in the 4th grade, so it didn't really shock anybody.
f**k why cant i meet girls like that?
>show up for a small gig
>hardly anyone's there, decide to go apesh*t.
>cut my finger while playing the bass, early during the show
>by the end of the show, blood all over my bass.
>legend is made.
>show up for a small gig
>hardly anyone's there, decide to go apesh*t.
>cut my finger while playing the bass, early during the show
>by the end of the show, blood all over my bass.
>legend is made.
hahaha f**king lol'd irl
you f**king fa**ot brah
>saw add on Internet to get ripped in 2 weeks
>ordered pills
>got ripped in two weeks
F**k year
>show up for a small gig
>hardly anyone's there, decide to go apesh*t.
>cut my finger while playing the bass, early during the show
>by the end of the show, blood all over my bass.
>legend is made.
Sounds really f**king painful dude. :o
f**k why cant i meet girls like that?
Might of been cool in the 4th Grade, but knowing that half the girls in the class were giving head and hand to boys in 4th-6th isn't a pleasant thought.
Might of been cool in the 4th Grade, but knowing that half the girls in the class were giving head and hand to boys in 4th-6th isn't a pleasant thought.
the f**k kind of ghetto ass school did you go to?!??!
>find a broken soda vending machine at school
>put money in
>press the cola button
>receive bottle of cola
>keep receiving bottles of cola
>free cola for everyone
Catching girls looking at me and they either look away really quickly or smile.
Doesn't happen often, but it's pretty sweet.
>find a broken soda vending machine at school
>put money in
>press the cola button
>receive bottle of cola
>keep receiving bottles of cola
>free cola for everyone
loljustliekindatonecocacolaadonyoutubeamirite?
>Learning how to bboy
>Still look like a nerdy high schooler
>Go to a club with a friend who's known there
>Bouncer won't let me in
>Friend says "It's cool, he's gonna be a dancer for the club"
>Bouncer laughs
>I dance
>Bounce stops laughing and tells me I'm in
>Feel really f**king cool
Similar, but far more recent
>Circle forms in a club
>Dance on the edge and get ready to go in
>Girl gets bitchy when I bump into her and tells me to leave it to real dancers
>Go in the circle and make everyone else look bad
>Make direct eye contact with bitch and see the shock on her face
>F**k yeah
Being a really good dancer who doesn't look that part is awesome.
How did you learn?
>find a broken soda vending machine at school
>put money in
>press the cola button
>receive bottle of cola
>keep receiving bottles of cola
>free cola for everyone
Similar thing happened to me but it was with bottled water.
feelsbadman.jpg
the f**k kind of ghetto ass school did you go to?!??!
There was one black girl in the entire grade and she was super smart and didn't screw around at all. The only other person that was black was only half black. My entire city is wh**re central. If you haven't f**ked by 8th grade, you were in the lowest minority possible.
>"Congratulations! You've been selected to receive a free Apple iPod!"
>F**k year
Baseball is gay. Play a contact sport, pu**y.
Sounds really f**king painful dude. :o
it was a small cut at first, i didnt even know i had it till i looked down after a song, and was like "oh shi-". probably cuz of the adrenaline or whatever.
>Girlfriend puts dollar in vending machine
>I tell her to hit 53
>Fritos start falling
>Stop
>Second bag starts going, gets stuck
>Both of us rage
>Third bag starts, all three fall
>F**K YEAH THREE FRITOS, ONE DOLLAR
She loved me for telling her what to get. We made out.
For realz, though, nothing really epic has happened to me. Wait, baseball story...
Gym class, we're out on the field. Two small baseball diamonds, right? One full of the spic douches, one full of jocks who kick ass at baseball. Either way, i'm getting made fun of. (I suck) Decide on Jocks. They put me in deeeep outfield. Center. Biggest f**ker you seen gets up to bat, line drive, straight down the middle. Pitcher dives out of the way, barely dodges. Second base runner ducks, right by his head. The ball is heading right for my balls, still going damn fast and I just catch it. Earned respect and protection for the rest of the year. (Pissed that batter of to no end though, he had invited me to play)
Around 2001 or something:
> Meet girlfriends parents for the first time
> They're rich and have this awesome piano in the living room
> Have a great time with her parents
> Ask about piano and they say it used to belong to grandmother (not dead though, lol)
> Offer to play something
> Play (and sing) Robbies Williams - She's the One
> Mother awed, blushing girlfriend, impressed father and sister complaining she never gets guys like me :D
Or that same year during last school PE.
> Playing baseball on a beautiful spring day
> Some jock dude makes an epic hit
> I believe I can catch it anyway and start running like a mad man, while everyone starts cheering
> Ball starts to make a quick descent and I'm afraid I won't reach it
> Make a stretched jump, barely grab the ball, fall to the ground and stop by making a somersault.
> Raise my hand showing the ball to practically half the school :D
I'm expecting some epic stories, anons.
This was pretty epic when I was 11. My basketball team gets offered to play another kids basketball team during half time at a USF game. I'm nervous as f**k, the entire stadium is pretty much full of people as we walk out onto the court, rather intimidating for a 10 yearold. Anyway, I score the first shot for my team, which was cool. During the last 10 seconds of the game, I see this perfect moment happen in slow motion. I start running as I see this kid begin to throw a pass, intercept the ball, and breeze down the court far ahead of the other team and score the most perfect layup I've ever shot.
Entire stadium roars, get high fives from people all the way back to my seat. I should have kept it up, I quit when I started middle school.
Around 2001 or something:
> Meet girlfriends parents for the first time
> They're rich and have this awesome piano in the living room
> Have a great time with her parents
> Ask about piano and they say it used to belong to grandmother (not dead though, lol)
> Offer to play something
> Play (and sing) Robbies Williams - She's the One
> Mother awed, blushing girlfriend, impressed father and sister complaining she never gets guys like me :D
Or that same year during last school PE.
> Playing baseball on a beautiful spring day
> Some jock dude makes an epic hit
> I believe I can catch it anyway and start running like a mad man, while everyone starts cheering
> Ball starts to make a quick descent and I'm afraid I won't reach it
> Make a stretched jump, barely grab the ball, fall to the ground and stop by making a somersault.
> Raise my hand showing the ball to practically half the school :D
I'm expecting some epic stories, anons.
> Three weeks ago
> Mom, her boyfriend, her friend, and her friend's f**k buddy are partying at our house.
> Mom's friend tells f**k buddy that she doesn't have feelings for him and doesn't want to be more than f**k buddies.
> He gets butthurt because he loves her.
> She treats him like sh*t all night
> He decides he wants to drive home (drunk.)
> Mom's boyfriend tries to convince him not to leave because we don't want him arrested or dead.
> He refuses, so boyfriend has to force him to sit down.
> They get into a fight.
> I get pissed at the noise and emerge from my room, shirtless.
> Help break up the fight, and chokeslam the drunk f**kbuddy onto my couch and tell him that if he's going to die tonight, he should let me do it instead of dying on the road.
> Get him in a headlock so he can't go after my mom's boyfriend again.
> Tell him to calm the f**k down.
> I'm a skinny fa**ot, and I somehow manage to hold him there.
> I let go, he leaves anyway.
> Mom's friend tells me I look hot shirtless
> Mom's friend comes in my room later to lay down.
> We start making out
> I suck on her tits
> she throws me off of her
> Gets on top of me
> Rips my pants off
> Cougar Blowjob
> F**k yeah
4 yrs old:
>Had to take ballet lessons. (azn femf** here...)
>Waited 1 hour unsupervised in a waiting room full of soda & snack vending machines every week
>I really wanted a snack.
>Got scissors and paper from studio receptionist
>Exchanged my paper for quarters from change machine
>Enjoyed cherry coke & twix.
> Three weeks ago
> Mom, her boyfriend, her friend, and her friend's f**k buddy are partying at our house.
> Mom's friend tells f**k buddy that she doesn't have feelings for him and doesn't want to be more than f**k buddies.
> He gets butthurt because he loves her.
> She treats him like sh*t all night
> He decides he wants to drive home (drunk.)
> Mom's boyfriend tries to convince him not to leave because we don't want him arrested or dead.
> He refuses, so boyfriend has to force him to sit down.
> They get into a fight.
> I get pissed at the noise and emerge from my room, shirtless.
> Help break up the fight, and chokeslam the drunk f**kbuddy onto my couch and tell him that if he's going to die tonight, he should let me do it instead of dying on the road.
> Get him in a headlock so he can't go after my mom's boyfriend again.
> Tell him to calm the f**k down.
> I'm a skinny fa**ot, and I somehow manage to hold him there.
> I let go, he leaves anyway.
> Mom's friend tells me I look hot shirtless
> Mom's friend comes in my room later to lay down.
> We start making out
> I suck on her tits
> she throws me off of her
> Gets on top of me
> Rips my pants off
> Cougar Blowjob
> F**k yeah
F**k. So much win...
Why are most of these about vending machines....
>Girlfriend puts dollar in vending machine
>I tell her to hit 53
>Fritos start falling
>Stop
>Second bag starts going, gets stuck
>Both of us rage
>Third bag starts, all three fall
>F**K YEAH THREE FRITOS, ONE DOLLAR
She loved me for telling her what to get. We made out.
For realz, though, nothing really epic has happened to me. Wait, baseball story...
Gym class, we're out on the field. Two small baseball diamonds, right? One full of the spic douches, one full of jocks who kick ass at baseball. Either way, i'm getting made fun of. (I suck) Decide on Jocks. They put me in deeeep outfield. Center. Biggest f**ker you seen gets up to bat, line drive, straight down the middle. Pitcher dives out of the way, barely dodges. Second base runner ducks, right by his head. The ball is heading right for my balls, still going damn fast and I just catch it. Earned respect and protection for the rest of the year. (Pissed that batter of to no end though, he had invited me to play)
Actually disregard that. The best thing that's happened to me is that I got to suck a c**k.
Around 2001 or something:
> Meet girlfriends parents for the first time
> They're rich and have this awesome piano in the living room
> Have a great time with her parents
> Ask about piano and they say it used to belong to grandmother (not dead though, lol)
> Offer to play something
> Play (and sing) Robbies Williams - She's the One
> Mother awed, blushing girlfriend, impressed father and sister complaining she never gets guys like me :D
Or that same year during last school PE.
> Playing baseball on a beautiful spring day
> Some jock dude makes an epic hit
> I believe I can catch it anyway and start running like a mad man, while everyone starts cheering
> Ball starts to make a quick descent and I'm afraid I won't reach it
> Make a stretched jump, barely grab the ball, fall to the ground and stop by making a somersault.
> Raise my hand showing the ball to practically half the school :D
I'm expecting some epic stories, anons.
>i'm the whitest guy on web.
coolstorybro.
Happened last week.
>Enter a multi level engineering competition.
>Place entry in high school level
>Finalist in university level.
Happened last week.
>Enter a multi level engineering competition.
>Place entry in high school level
>Finalist in university level.
What did you make?
>did well on a chemistry exam in high school
>during a big class meeting, teacher says I got the highest score of all the other kids, even from other classes of the same grade
That was pretty epic since I hardly did sh*t for anything
>buy GTA: Episodes from liberty city stories for PC
>installation does not work
>call rockstar for support
>tech support guy says I should remove all disk copying software and virtual drives
>copied disk to file using disk copying software
>loaded file using virtual drives
>installation suddenly works
>tech guy says I should not do that
>f**kyea.jpg
Happened last week.
>Enter a multi level engineering competition.
>Place entry in high school level
>Finalist in university level.
what was your project?
>buy GTA: Episodes from liberty city stories for PC
>installation does not work
>call rockstar for support
>tech support guy says I should remove all disk copying software and virtual drives
>copied disk to file using disk copying software
>loaded file using virtual drives
>installation suddenly works
>tech guy says I should not do that
>f**kyea.jpg
Win.
Also, I suddenly feel like a massive nerd...
>>when I was in college, I met Bruce Campbell, Don Coscarelli, Joe Lansdale
>>they were in town for a small film fest and to promot Bubba Ho-Tep
>>interviewed them, talked to them
>>Bruce Campbell seems like he could be a real dick at times
>>but he was nice to me
Eh, not much, I know.
>>In 1994, Blockbuster Video had a World Championship game thing going
>>even though it was only for the U.S. really
>>I was 11 years old, chose to enter the Sega Genesis Competition
>>Week 1) NBA Jam
>>Week 2) Sonic the Hedgehog 3
>>Week 3) Virtua Racing
>>I completely owned the entire city (well, people who entered) after week 2
>>No one else ever got close to me
>>Went to regionals and lost first round.. I f**king hate NBA Jam
What did you make?
what was your project?
It was a redesign contest. Remake anything to make it more efficient.
I made a plumbing replacement that turned the water pressure into hydroelectric energy.
I once bought a candybar from a vending machine, and it gave me two, meaning I got one for FREE!
No match for my story. I bought some candy, and someone else had left there's in the bottom! It was the same kind of candy(gobstoppers)!
Great day. About 6 months ago.
>take physics test
>next day, teacher says he had to remove one of the questions, because it was too advanced for our class and only one person got it right
>get test back
>I got that question right
>125% on test b/c of extra gredit
f**kyeahhh
>Be 10 years old
>Sitting in room with tons of other girls
>All talking with counselor about our accomplishments
>Other girls: 'I JUST GOT A BOYFRIEND LOL'
>Me: I just got my black belt in Tang Soo Do
>No one believes me
>Summon over notorious a**hole of 5th grade
>Use difficult karate I had to use for my black belt test on him
>He falls to the ground and starts to cry
>Everyone claps and believes me
F**k yeah.
So you hit your classmate for no reason?
F**k you, a**hole.
It was a redesign contest. Remake anything to make it more efficient.
I made a plumbing replacement that turned the water pressure into hydroelectric energy.
sounds interesting. have you shown /sci/?
>Business Law class in college
>site next to a dude with a verified I.Q. of 125
>class consists of 4 tests
>he ends up with a B
>I ace all my tests and end with an A (highest possible)
Felt good man.
>Business Law class in college
>site next to a dude with a verified I.Q. of 125
>class consists of 4 tests
>he ends up with a B
>I ace all my tests and end with an A (highest possible)
Felt good man.
I.Q. means nothing. Sorry Anon
>Learning how to bboy
>Still look like a nerdy high schooler
>Go to a club with a friend who's known there
>Bouncer won't let me in
>Friend says "It's cool, he's gonna be a dancer for the club"
>Bouncer laughs
>I dance
>Bounce stops laughing and tells me I'm in
>Feel really f**king cool
Similar, but far more recent
>Circle forms in a club
>Dance on the edge and get ready to go in
>Girl gets bitchy when I bump into her and tells me to leave it to real dancers
>Go in the circle and make everyone else look bad
>Make direct eye contact with bitch and see the shock on her face
>F**k yeah
Being a really good dancer who doesn't look that part is awesome.
Awwwwwwwwwwwwww yeaaaaaaaaaaaah.
awyeah
>meet Chuck Norris at a film festival
>shake his hand
>glorious
Happened last week.
>Enter a multi level engineering competition.
>Place entry in high school level
>Finalist in university level.
Also:
>Show and tell a Lego technic I made alone.
>Asked to join Advanced Lego program with highschoolers.
>Playing starfox64 at age 7
>In the top ten north america
>Learned how to dwarf fortress.
/\ my most glorious
>3rd day on job
>Raymond James Stadium Outback Bowl
>outback was catering
>in elevator leaving press box
>man asks "do you work for outback, too?"
>No sir, I work for the stadium
>Oh, well I hear the Founder is pretty cool
>I would imagine he is
>Friend of man points towards man talking to me, mouthing "thats him"
>don't realize what he meant until afterwards.
best I can remember so far.
>Business Law class in college
>site next to a dude with a verified I.Q. of 125
>class consists of 4 tests
>he ends up with a B
>I ace all my tests and end with an A (highest possible)
Felt good man.
>Realize that grades have absolutely no bearing on intelligence and that he is probably still twice as smart as you.
>Doesn't really feel so good anymore.
Actually disregard that. The best thing that's happened to me is that I got to suck a c**k.
Wow. how EVER did you guess my trip.
Good for you, f**.
F**k. So much win...
It was anon, it really was. I felt like such a boss that night. She tried to come up for a break so I grabbed her hair and skullf**ked her. It was awesome sh*t.
I.Q. means nothing. Sorry Anon
I left out a part in there. He basically bragged about it to everybody about he never had to study. His friend also bragged about it too. Both were douchebag partyf**s.
4 yrs old:
>Had to take ballet lessons. (azn femf** here...)
>Waited 1 hour unsupervised in a waiting room full of soda & snack vending machines every week
>I really wanted a snack.
>Got scissors and paper from studio receptionist
>Exchanged my paper for quarters from change machine
>Enjoyed cherry coke & twix.
that sh*t doesn't work.
believe me, i've tried on countless occasions.
>fill balloon with farts
>pop it at church
>church canceled because it smells so bad
Best day of my life.
Bel-Aired my valedictorian speech at my college graduation speech in 2007
>hang out with a chick when I was around 8
>she was friends with my brothers
>we take her in the garage one day
>door is shut
>start pulling off her clothes
>get her down to her bra and panties
>she gets away
>still hung out with us for a few months and then disappeared
>realized years later we basically molested and almost raped her
>>In elementary, 3rd grade and below
>>I would always have kids from the school, all ages/grades, call me for game advice
th graders, 6th graders, 2nd graders
>>I was always good at games
>>I would go to Wal-Mart and play a demo kiosk
>>And play for 1+ hrs on a single life, have a huge crowd behind me
>>Both kids and their parents
Bel-Aired my valedictorian speech at my college graduation speech in 2007
Have a copy of it somewhere?
Also:
>Show and tell a Lego technic I made alone.
>Asked to join Advanced Lego program with highschoolers.
>Playing starfox64 at age 7
>In the top ten north america
>Learned how to dwarf fortress.
/\ my most glorious
> made a f**kwin waterfall inside my dwarves' dormitories
> no dwarves died during its construction
> it didn't flood my fortress
Bel-Aired my valedictorian speech at my college graduation speech in 2007
Normally I wouldn't approve but...
lol
>>When I was in 3rd grade, friend and his sister came over
>>She was babysitting us
>>For some reason, friend and I had the idea to run around with no clothes on
>>We convinced her to take hers off too
>>We sat around on the couch, touching and feeling each other
>>It was pretty awesome, but we didn't make out or have sex
>Living in Beijing
>Playing music
>Agent asks if I want to play a gig in Inner Mongolia for 400$
>Accept
>Get there - realise we're playing in a stadium and will be broadcast live on Chinese national TV
>Play in front of 80,000 people live and over 50,000,000 watching at home
>Don't sh*t my pants.
Pic related - Chinese dancer all blacked up to represent Africa. Lulz.
>fill balloon with farts
>pop it at church
>church canceled because it smells so bad
Best day of my life.
how is that even possible? i cant fart IN a balloon, only on it
Around 2001 or something:
> Meet girlfriends parents for the first time
> They're rich and have this awesome piano in the living room
> Have a great time with her parents
> Ask about piano and they say it used to belong to grandmother (not dead though, lol)
> Offer to play something
> Play (and sing) Robbies Williams - She's the One
> Mother awed, blushing girlfriend, impressed father and sister complaining she never gets guys like me :D
Or that same year during last school PE.
> Playing baseball on a beautiful spring day
> Some jock dude makes an epic hit
> I believe I can catch it anyway and start running like a mad man, while everyone starts cheering
> Ball starts to make a quick descent and I'm afraid I won't reach it
> Make a stretched jump, barely grab the ball, fall to the ground and stop by making a somersault.
> Raise my hand showing the ball to practically half the school :D
I'm expecting some epic stories, anons.
well, some turdbag just banked in 800000 buks in my bank account.
have fun you guys. im enjoyin ma money
>>In elementary, 3rd grade and below
>>I would always have kids from the school, all ages/grades, call me for game advice
th graders, 6th graders, 2nd graders
>>I was always good at games
>>I would go to Wal-Mart and play a demo kiosk
>>And play for 1+ hrs on a single life, have a huge crowd behind me
>>Both kids and their parents
Holy. F**king Sh*t.
Share your wisdom, oh mighty one.
I LOVE ROBBIE WILLIAMS YOU ARE A GOD OP
Alright guys this is mine....
2 years ago, it's August in sunny British Columbia and it's relatively warm. I'm walking down the street minding my own business.
This car drives past me and slows down enough for the guy inside to throw a handheld size water balloon.
I catch it, and wing it right back and him hitting him in the face.
Me: F**K YEAH BITCH
>>when I was in college, I met Bruce Campbell, Don Coscarelli, Joe Lansdale
>>they were in town for a small film fest and to promot Bubba Ho-Tep
>>interviewed them, talked to them
>>Bruce Campbell seems like he could be a real dick at times
>>but he was nice to me
Eh, not much, I know.
>>In 1994, Blockbuster Video had a World Championship game thing going
>>even though it was only for the U.S. really
>>I was 11 years old, chose to enter the Sega Genesis Competition
>>Week 1) NBA Jam
>>Week 2) Sonic the Hedgehog 3
>>Week 3) Virtua Racing
>>I completely owned the entire city (well, people who entered) after week 2
>>No one else ever got close to me
>>Went to regionals and lost first round.. I f**king hate NBA Jam
HAH
HAH I SAY
AS THOUGH
THE VERY IDEA THAT YOU WOULD MEET BRUCE CAMPBELL
how is that even possible? i cant fart IN a balloon, only on it
It was a complicated process involving rubber bands, straws, lubrication, White Castle sliders and several, several hours.
> made a f**kwin waterfall inside my dwarves' dormitories
> no dwarves died during its construction
> it didn't flood my fortress
They need to make a dwarf fortress with good 2d graphics, it sounds fun but I dont wanna play that ascii lookin sh*t I ain't a goddamn nerd.
I once bought a candybar from a vending machine, and it gave me two, meaning I got one for FREE!
Sh*t happened to me with ice cream sandwiches. I came buckets of joy that day.
> 12 years old.
> Dance cometition, 2nd modern dance solo i'd ever done.
> F**ked up the dance, but kept going.
> Burst out crying soon as I got off stage.
> All girls are called back onto stage for place's
> 1st place 'Because when I did it right I was brilliant and when I carried on I was brilliant.'
> F**K YEAH!
how is that even possible? i cant fart IN a balloon, only on it
this is the method i use
>Be lazy in soccer in the mandatory PE class.
>Have a reputation being lazy, but defending quite well when needing to.
>Coach has it out for me, and puts me in center, telling me I can go back to defense when I score a goal
>RAGE
>Score a goal in the next play by going balls-out.
>Entire class just sits there agape.
>Sh*t yeah f**k you coach
>Lazy in defense for the rest of the semester.
Also, a few weeks ago...
>Finally get my medical back.
>Paperwork sent to Transport Canada
>4 days later I come in to the facility
>2 hours after that and I get out of the plane triumphantly
>F**K YEAR FIRST SOLO
>Working out
>Tall as f**k, dorky as f**k, ugly as f**k
>Strong as f**k
>"Hey anon, I bet you can't squat this"
>Some senior douche ^
>Its 495
>I'm 16, and trying to take his place in football
>Thats his max
>I add 10 pounds
>Do it twice
That was pretty damn epic.
>>Senior year of high school
>>Last theatre performance of the year
>>We're doing a showing of "The Shadow Box"
>>It's a sad play
>>At the end, we have a standing ovation
>>And the entire audience is in tears
It was pretty amazing.. and sad, because it was my last theatre performance ever.
>girl I like gets all drunk and emotional at a party
>I leave the house with her to just relax and talk on their trampoline
>whole time I'm thinking I'm friend zoned and should get inside. spent ages out there.
>next day she apologises and wants to thank me.
>gives me a bj and we're now going out
>f**k yeah
>Shy quiet one in school that doesn't talk much.
>Discussing random sh*t with my few friends (most of whom were the popular jocks).
>Popular loud obnoxious girl comes up to join discussion.
>I glance at one of my bros.
>He rolls eyes.
>I tell the girl to go away because we don't want her in our discussion.
>She of course has to be herself and goes 'NO LOL IM STAYING HURR DURR"
>I tell her she can stay but I'll ignore her and pretend shes not there.
>She goes off and cries.
F**KYEAH
They need to make a dwarf fortress with good 2d graphics, it sounds fun but I dont wanna play that ascii lookin sh*t I ain't a goddamn nerd.
Get the f**k out, normalf**.
>>Senior year of high school
>>Last theatre performance of the year
>>We're doing a showing of "The Shadow Box"
>>It's a sad play
>>At the end, we have a standing ovation
>>And the entire audience is in tears
It was pretty amazing.. and sad, because it was my last theatre performance ever.
watch clannad.
Pathetic, is this what makes you f**s happy, when others accept you? I hate all of you.
>In college dorm
>Some f** is playing his guitar with his door open so everyone can see him, he can't play
>A few girls (and f**s) stop and ask him how long he has being playing etc.
>I walk up, ask if I can have a go
>I've been playing since I was 7 years old
>Sweep up and down that mother f**ker, melt faces
>Girls swoon
>F**k yea
>Calculus extra credit problem
>Teacher takes half the class creating this problem
>Solve it in ten minutes
In all honesty, it wasn't that difficult, but my classmates were kind of stupid for a Calculus class.
>Tennis
>High School Varisty 1 Doubles
>At net
>Partner hits a week lob
>Opponent net guy prepares to hit me with an overhead smash
>Duck behind my racquet
>Deflect ball at an impossible angle for a winner
>Win Game
>Serve out next game for the match
>Only one of my serves was successfully returned.
FELT GLORIOUS MAN
watch clannad.
Haven't watched that one, but did watch Kanon (the original).
Pathetic, is this what makes you f**s happy, when others accept you? I hate all of you.
you obviously havent tried it yet. though its best when it happens when you arent even trying.
Pathetic, is this what makes you f**s happy, when others accept you? I hate all of you.
That's what makes everyone happy.
A life without friends isn't worth living.
aw sh*t, yeah.
some how a bag of chips clogged the opening, and people kept buying stuff to knock the goods all down. little did they know, the door blocked the items from falling. I swooped in, pushed the door to let it fall through, bought a stick of gum, and ate a bunch of sh*t that I didn't need to begin with.
once had a vending machine f**k up so bad it dropped all its bottles, walked home with my bag stuffed with bottles of coke. they was free, best coke I ever tasted.
>In college, first day of my Visual Computing class.
>Prof writes "1. Illustrator, 2. Photoshop, 3. Dreamweaver, 4. Website" on the board when we walk in.
>Says we will be learning these programs in order, and our final project will be making a mock website.
>Raise my hand and say I do that for a living.
>She asks to see, I show her my portfolio site.
>She takes me down to the floor's clerk office, and writes me a form saying I passed the class and don't need to be there.
F**k yeah.
>>In college I was in the dorms my sophomore year
>>For some reason, all the people in my wing wanted to be my best friend
>>Most of them were huge, buff guys who worked out every day
>>And they were in a frat
>>We would hang out pretty often, they'd let me join in some frat stuff (but not the hazing)
>>Anyway, had a dick of a roommate. Listened to screw rap, sold shrooms, etc.
>>One day, he gets mad at me, leaves a note on my desk with a knife through it
>>It's finals week and hall director tells me to change rooms, so I do
>>Frat friends give him hell that last week. Purposefully push him in the halls, make fun of him, etc.
It was pretty nice.
>go on run with marine
>dont know distance
>just run
>come back breathless
>google pedometer route
>ran 7 miles!!
>eat a whole pizza in celebration!
and
>go with super swimmer girl to ocean
>swim a mile there and a mile back in open sea
long distance f**k yeah!
once had a vending machine f**k up so bad it dropped all its bottles, walked home with my bag stuffed with bottles of coke. they was free, best coke I ever tasted.
Yours sold coke? Many, mine never sold hard drugs, only sodas.
There is a common thread between these two.
>I'm an a**hole all throughout high school.
>Elected Prom King and "Most Likely to be Famous"
>"Stat yourself" thread on /tg/
>Some f** posts ridiculous high stats, along with knowledge specialties in car-customizing and literature
>I recognize this from the collection of blogs some fa**ot had posted a few weeks ago
>I post links to his sh*tty blogs, along with a picture of the fat f**k and his whale of a gf
>All the blogs and attached email addresses are deleted within minutes, the thread devolves into people bitching because they can't see the stuff I linked to.
>I made a guy quit the internet
>On a trip to go white water rafting
>Waiting on a cliff for a helicopter to show up to take us into the canyon
>Helicopter lands
>James-f**king-Bond gets out
>Looks right at me. "Is this your helicopter?"
>Get in helicopter
>Thumbs up Bond
>Get thumbs uped back
Most epic moment of my life guys
you obviously havent tried it yet. though its best when it happens when you arent even trying.
That's what makes everyone happy.
A life without friends isn't worth living.
F**king kids.
that sh*t doesn't work.
believe me, i've tried on countless occasions.
Except that it does if you are using a change machine from the 80s
I play ultimate frisbee, first off.
>Second ever tournament
>Last game of the day, everyone's dirt tired.
>Universe point
>Sprint down to the mark, just outside the endzone
>Mack the first throw back into the endzone
>Catch for a Callahan
>Sidelines erupt with cheers from both teams
>Calmly toss aside the disc and walk to the sideline for a drink.
>Free beers all night
I felt like a god that weekend, even though we only came in 6th.
Also, if you dont understand the terminology, f**k you.
I play ultimate frisbee, first off.
>Second ever tournament
>Last game of the day, everyone's dirt tired.
>Universe point
>Sprint down to the mark, just outside the endzone
>Mack the first throw back into the endzone
>Catch for a Callahan
>Sidelines erupt with cheers from both teams
>Calmly toss aside the disc and walk to the sideline for a drink.
>Free beers all night
I felt like a god that weekend, even though we only came in 6th.
Also, if you dont understand the terminology, f**k you.
No sir, f**k you.
Ultimate frisbee is retarded.
F**king kids.
And what do you do, oh superior being?
>Getting off highway
>Cruising in 5th @ 60mph
>See offramp light turn yellow
>Drop into 2nd and turn
>Perfect drift around two riced hondas
>In my Ford E-150
>F**k yea
I play ultimate frisbee, first off.
>Second ever tournament
>Last game of the day, everyone's dirt tired.
>Universe point
>Sprint down to the mark, just outside the endzone
>Mack the first throw back into the endzone
>Catch for a Callahan
>Sidelines erupt with cheers from both teams
>Calmly toss aside the disc and walk to the sideline for a drink.
>Free beers all night
I felt like a god that weekend, even though we only came in 6th.
Also, if you dont understand the terminology, f**k you.
A guy I met the other night told me about the time he was hosting an ultimate team from out of town (all 20 of them) in his living room and who walks into his house but famous Canadian rapper k-os. Lulz were had.
>7 girls ask me out at the same time.
>They're all hot and have great personalities
F**K YEAH
>Getting off highway
>Cruising in 5th @ 60mph
>See offramp light turn yellow
>Drop into 2nd and turn
>Perfect drift around two riced hondas
>In my Ford E-150
>F**k yea
I'll second that f**k yeah, you deserve a bro-fist
>Tennis
>High School Varisty 1 Doubles
>At net
>Partner hits a week lob
>Opponent net guy prepares to hit me with an overhead smash
>Duck behind my racquet
>Deflect ball at an impossible angle for a winner
>Win Game
>Serve out next game for the match
>Only one of my serves was successfully returned.
FELT GLORIOUS MAN
Oh f**k yeah tennis, I have a related story
>two years ago, junior in high school
>playing doubles
>serving against two short little whiny fa**ots
>one of them bitches about one of my calls
>serve next ball directly into his hip, without bouncing
>he nearly cries in rage when I explain to him that it was my point because I nailed him
>official agrees with me
>trollface.jpg
>7 girls ask me out at the same time.
>They're all hot and have great personalities
F**K YEAH
>lie on the internet
>wallow in denial
>Getting off highway
>Cruising in 5th @ 60mph
>See offramp light turn yellow
>Drop into 2nd and turn
>Perfect drift around two riced hondas
>In my Ford E-150
>F**k yea
oh sh*t that's awesome
Awwwwwwwwwwwwww yeaaaaaaaaaaaah.
awyeah
...You just posted the one thing that would make me think you knew me IRL...
Johns?
>about 13 years old
>playing tackle football at night
>catch football, 4 guys jump on me (no homo)
>I maintain balance carrying / dragging ALL of them about 6 paces
F**K YEA
>8th grade
>never had a girlfriend before
>all of the sudden sh*ttons of girls like me
>get a gf
>dump her because shes a wh**re
>even more girls like me, I pretty much have my pick of the grade
the sh*t part is that I never did anything because I was a huge pu**y at the time, and now I'm still a virgin who has only made out once, I miss the days when all I had to do was be an arrogant douche to get girls
>Load up Dwarf Fortress
>Create Liontower
>f**k yeah
th grade gym class baseball
>>I am weak and pathetic and my gym teacher is a dick
>>Gym teacher is pitching
>>I step up to bat
>>Strike 1
>>Feel shame
>>Strike 2
>>More shame
>>He scornfully asks, "are you even trying Anon" as he pitches
>>Hit low line drive into his stomach
>>Walk to first base
>>Feels vindicated man
>dash off philosophy paper the night before it's due
>turn it in and forget about it completely
>day we get our papers back, professor asks if he can have a word with me about mine
>thought I had copypasted it from somewhere
>tells me it's the best paper he's gotten in 10 years
>wat
And what do you do, oh superior being?
I don't give a sh*t.
>dash off philosophy paper the night before it's due
>turn it in and forget about it completely
>day we get our papers back, professor asks if he can have a word with me about mine
>thought I had copypasted it from somewhere
>tells me it's the best paper he's gotten in 10 years
>wat
Would you care to send it?
>Get entered into a state wide "Current Events" compeition by my Economics teacher because I knew a lot about history.
>Teacher opens up the study packet they gave him 1 day before the test.
>Get on bus to go take the test
>joke around the whole time "Wouldn't it be hilarious if we won?"
>Take test
>First place
>Advancing to Nationals
>My Face
>3rd day on job
>Raymond James Stadium Outback Bowl
>outback was catering
>in elevator leaving press box
>man asks "do you work for outback, too?"
>No sir, I work for the stadium
>Oh, well I hear the Founder is pretty cool
>I would imagine he is
>Friend of man points towards man talking to me, mouthing "thats him"
>don't realize what he meant until afterwards.
best I can remember so far.
I am also from Tampa.
How to stadium job?
>8th grade gym class
>we're doing wrestling
>coach tells me I'm wrestling a certain kid
>kid was a jock, and an a**hole
>hated him since 3rd grade
>we're roughly same weight class
>I beat his jock ass at wrestling in front of class
>feels good man
>dash off philosophy paper the night before it's due
>turn it in and forget about it completely
>day we get our papers back, professor asks if he can have a word with me about mine
>thought I had copypasted it from somewhere
>tells me it's the best paper he's gotten in 10 years
>wat
Seriously I am interested in reading it.
>Brother Pele's in the back, sweet Zina's in the front
>Cruisin' down the freeway in the hot, hot sun
>Suddenly red-blue lights flash us from behind
>Loud voice booming, "Please step out onto the line"
>Pele preaches words of comfort, Zina just hides her eyes
>Policeman taps his shades, "Is that a Chevy '69?"
>In High School
>I'm fat, so I take the easiest PE class available (twice)
>Walk fit
>"teacher" says that someone comes in first every day they get an A in the class and don't have to turn in the journal that he made everyone keep.
>My friend and I are in first every day until the day before the final
>one girl who was taking the class (and keeping a journal), was only in it because she hurt her leg at a track meet and couldn't run for a few weeks or some sh*t.
>She decides to run the last 1/2 mile of the final
>My friend and I notice when she gets about 100' behind us.
>We can't come in second
>We sprint like our lives depend on it
>We manage to keep pace (us sprinting, her jogging/running)
>Place first
>Get A
>Graduate
F**k yeah, worst 1/2 mile of my life.
>gym class 9th grade
>flag football in boys team sports
>I'm playing safety
>huge 12th grade jock a**hole gets ball
>I'm about 110-120 lbs, he's at least 170
>I'm the only defender left
>he puts out his elbow
>elbows me in the face while running top speed
>I still get his flag and c**kblock him
>our team wins
>high fives everywhere
>sitting with parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.
>dad throws a grape at me
>casually catch it in my mouth
>f**k yea
>Playing Jeopardy in AP Economics class
>Winner doesn't have to take final exam
>My team is in last place, has the least amount of points, and we hardly answered any questions
>My team knows sh*t about economics, we obviously didn't study for the test and will most likely fail
>Final Jeopardy
>Everyone bets almost all of their points while my team bets nothing
>Super hard question that no one gets
>We win and don't have to take the final exam
>Playing Jeopardy in AP Economics class
>Winner doesn't have to take final exam
>My team is in last place, has the least amount of points, and we hardly answered any questions
>My team knows sh*t about economics, we obviously didn't study for the test and will most likely fail
>Final Jeopardy
>Everyone bets almost all of their points while my team bets nothing
>Super hard question that no one gets
>We win and don't have to take the final exam
That's pretty much bad ass.
This isn't truly really a "f**k yeah" moment, but made me feel clever.
The other day I was playing a cracked Starcraft II beta in the computer lab at my college. Since it was about 2:00 PM, it was jam-packed. After just a few minutes, 2 guys started watching me play. Maybe 10 minutes after that, I felt a hard tapping on my shoulder. It was a tall, scrawny guy in a casual brown suit on; he asked me if I was playing Starcraft II. I told him "Yes", and went on to explain that I torrented it, and had been seeding it for several days now. I told him I copied it to the campus' network drive, and I could give him the address of where to find the torrent or campus file if he wanted to play it. He just stares at me for a moment, and then says "Wow." with obvious surprise. He walks away about a minute later; I didn't think anything of the encounter.
Later, I found out this guy apparently works for the Iowa Blizzard studio. It blew my mind that he wasn't angry or confused by that conversation with me. Blizzard must be full of cool dudes.
>Playing Jeopardy in AP Economics class
>Winner doesn't have to take final exam
>My team is in last place, has the least amount of points, and we hardly answered any questions
>My team knows sh*t about economics, we obviously didn't study for the test and will most likely fail
>Final Jeopardy
>Everyone bets almost all of their points while my team bets nothing
>Super hard question that no one gets
>We win and don't have to take the final exam
That strategy doesn't work if you're wolf blitzer.
>dash off philosophy paper the night before it's due
>turn it in and forget about it completely
>day we get our papers back, professor asks if he can have a word with me about mine
>thought I had copypasted it from somewhere
>tells me it's the best paper he's gotten in 10 years
>wat
I do this all the time for lit assignments. Apparently now I can't stop, b/c on the couple times I actually didn't procrastinate and tried to write something that was decent, verses insane sleep-deprived bullsh*t, the teacher got very "anon, i am disappoint" and said it was a good paper but not on par with the rest of my work. Wut.
>Playing Jeopardy in AP Economics class
>Winner doesn't have to take final exam
>My team is in last place, has the least amount of points, and we hardly answered any questions
>My team knows sh*t about economics, we obviously didn't study for the test and will most likely fail
>Final Jeopardy
>Everyone bets almost all of their points while my team bets nothing
>Super hard question that no one gets
>We win and don't have to take the final exam
One time I had the slacker group and the other 5 groups were made up of the most try hard kids ever. It was about literature and I didn't read the book, I rickrolled them. Unfortunately, no final exemption for me.
This isn't truly really a "f**k yeah" moment, but made me feel clever.
The other day I was playing a cracked Starcraft II beta in the computer lab at my college. Since it was about 2:00 PM, it was jam-packed. After just a few minutes, 2 guys started watching me play. Maybe 10 minutes after that, I felt a hard tapping on my shoulder. It was a tall, scrawny guy in a casual brown suit on; he asked me if I was playing Starcraft II. I told him "Yes", and went on to explain that I torrented it, and had been seeding it for several days now. I told him I copied it to the campus' network drive, and I could give him the address of where to find the torrent or campus file if he wanted to play it. He just stares at me for a moment, and then says "Wow." with obvious surprise. He walks away about a minute later; I didn't think anything of the encounter.
Later, I found out this guy apparently works for the Iowa Blizzard studio. It blew my mind that he wasn't angry or confused by that conversation with me. Blizzard must be full of cool dudes.
What Iowa Blizzard studio? I think you are being trolled.
>dash off philosophy paper the night before it's due
>turn it in and forget about it completely
>day we get our papers back, professor asks if he can have a word with me about mine
>thought I had copypasted it from somewhere
>tells me it's the best paper he's gotten in 10 years
>wat
Same thing happened to me because of one line in an English paper I wrote about Ernest Hemmingway's "A Clean Well-Lighted Place."
>4th grade PE soccer
>Be in the middle and grab the ball
>One guy slide tackles me from the right
>Jump and avoid with ball
>Score
F**k yeah.
> I've never done anything worth remembering.
> I've never done anything worth remembering.
thats ok man, my story was made up
consider yourself a better man
ITT mental masterbation
>Great books class
>6 books in total to read
>only read half of one of them (the odyssey)
>high distinction
>go back and finish reading books for enjoyment
>i farted
>it smelled
>everyone died
>win
>Great books class
>6 books in total to read
>only read half of one of them (the odyssey)
>high distinction
>go back and finish reading books for enjoyment
>go back and finish reading books for enjoyment
/lit/f** here. You're a good man, anon.
>High school rugby
>team down by a try
>make hard defensive tackle on our line
>knocked unconscious
>????
>we score for the win
>team lines up either the side of ambulance as it takes me to hospital
>back at training 2 days later
>Be lazy in soccer in the mandatory PE class.
>Have a reputation being lazy, but defending quite well when needing to.
>Coach has it out for me, and puts me in center, telling me I can go back to defense when I score a goal
>RAGE
>Score a goal in the next play by going balls-out.
>Entire class just sits there agape.
>Sh*t yeah f**k you coach
>Lazy in defense for the rest of the semester.
Also, a few weeks ago...
>Finally get my medical back.
>Paperwork sent to Transport Canada
>4 days later I come in to the facility
>2 hours after that and I get out of the plane triumphantly
>F**K YEAR FIRST SOLO
When did you start flying anon? / Who is your doctor? Random question but I might know them.
> History class, needed to make a presentation on African tribes.
> forgetting I had to prepare, I grab a marker and continue to expose(We had to make a pp presentation and all the fuzz)
> best in class.
Little achievement, but I felt like a BOSS.
>Slack off at uni, computer science
>Get kicked out
>Go back, quit
>3 years pass
>Go back again, decide to take medical science
>Everyone doubtful & some laugh
>Perfect GPA
>Work at the college scene shop
>Know my way around the theatre
>Duff Goldman from Ace of Cakes giving a speech
>Use back way to sneak in stage entrance
>Meet Duff, bullsh*t for about 15 minutes
>Says I'm a pretty cool guy
Most recent, but pretty f**k yeah anyhow.
One time I had the slacker group and the other 5 groups were made up of the most try hard kids ever. It was about literature and I didn't read the book, I rickrolled them. Unfortunately, no final exemption for me.
That's pretty much bad ass.
>Playing Jeopardy in AP Economics class
>Winner doesn't have to take final exam
>My team is in last place, has the least amount of points, and we hardly answered any questions
>My team knows sh*t about economics, we obviously didn't study for the test and will most likely fail
>Final Jeopardy
>Everyone bets almost all of their points while my team bets nothing
>Super hard question that no one gets
>We win and don't have to take the final exam
Similar to this.
>Psych class with very hardcore teacher
>Have all A's on exams except one test which is a D
>Allowed to retake one test
>Upperclassman who had her class last year tells me that she uses the same exams every year, and the grading sheets she gives back after every tests lists all the correct answers
>He is right
>Memorize the entire answer sheet and make a song up for the letters
>Get an A on the test and in the class
>Hardly even opened up psych book, laugh at Asian kid that busted his ass studying just to get an A-
>High school rugby
>team down by a try
>make hard defensive tackle on our line
>knocked unconscious
>????
>we score for the win
>team lines up either the side of ambulance as it takes me to hospital
>back at training 2 days later
Gareth?
Gareth?
Dave?
dave
Dave?
dave
Northern SS?
Northern SS?
turd ferguson?
>Stuck doing policy debate at NJFL nationals
>Rooming with policy coach
>think it's going to suck dick
>Walk in, the guy is high out of his mind and stumbling around talking to his "gigantic pet mouse"
>ohf**kyes.jpg
>Get a B in calculus all year long
>Regularly get C's and D's on tests
>Forced to take AP exam
>Study for a week
>Take AP exam
>Feel like I got a 2
>Scores come in the mail
>Got a 5
F**k yeah.
>go to high school graduation party
>everyone stays there until 5 AM in hopes of winning the grand prize
>wins the grand prize, a f**king laptop
>everyone tries to buy it off me
>gravely depressed
>decide to shoot myself w/ a pistol
>bullet swims through brain barely missing brain stem
>survive
>depression cured
f**k yeaaaa, millionaire now btw
turd ferguson?
Ay yah jackie?
>gravely depressed
>decide to shoot myself w/ a pistol
>bullet swims through brain barely missing brain stem
>survive
>depression cured
f**k yeaaaa, millionaire now btw
MAN, I GOTTA TRY THIS SOMETIME
>Get 49% in first term math
>51% in second term
>50% on final exam
>F**k Yeah
pretty much every homerun I ever hit in HS.
I hit a bee with a dart gun once.
>Riding train with friends, realize we're at our stop.
>Run off as quick as we can because we were chatting before we noticed.
>Realize we left all our bags on the train.
>Sprint on the train by myself, seize the bags.
>DIVE THROUGH THE CLOSING DOORS AND DO A ROLL ON LANDING.
>Watch the whole train clap as it leaves.
Felt so f**king good man.
>bullied all through highschool
>considered the "nice loner" by everyone
>get beaten up in P.E quite allot
>one day it's really bad
>im bleeding all over the floor
>mainly because this time i tried to fight back
>then hot girl and her friends stand up for me
>bully pushes hot girl over
>I move just in time to catch her
>not just catch her, f**king Casanova-style catch her
>entire gym is looking at me now
>she walks me home that day
>we are now "friends"
...never got back at the bully, and didn't really get the girl, but I made my first friend ;_;
>Riding train with friends, realize we're at our stop.
>Run off as quick as we can because we were chatting before we noticed.
>Realize we left all our bags on the train.
>Sprint on the train by myself, seize the bags.
>DIVE THROUGH THE CLOSING DOORS AND DO A ROLL ON LANDING.
>Watch the whole train clap as it leaves.
Felt so f**king good man.
Well, seeing this would be epic enough to post here.
>Get an experiment to work that hasn't worked for 15 years
>Impress boss
F**k yes. I actually yelled 'SUCK MY BALLS, WORLD' in the middle of lab.
lol you sound like a f**, op
>8 yeas old
>Go to a "church camp" which is more ore less where parents send their f**kup children to find god
>They have pieces of candy for a penny and bigger pieces for 5 cents
>Spend dollars and make the fa**ots count all that sh*t out
>Get a gang of about 3 kids following me and f**king sh*t up with me
>Almost watch a kid die after being hung by his shirt
>Tell guys to let the kid down
>Rat on the f**kers
>Get away scot free
>Leave
>Never share any of the f**king candy
>Cub scouts, first ever campout on this camp ground with a firing range
>20 yard targets
>Bullseye = free drink, outer ring = free snack
>5 shots
>Sh*t-tier 50s Daisy BB gun with ironsights
>3 drinks and a free snack every f**king day
>Never share
>Grow up only boy in a neighborhood full of girls around my age
>Still occasionally fool around with a few of them when I'm single
>Feels good man
>Con free/severely discounted cigs and beer
>Haven't purchased anything but hard liquor, gasoline and luxury items in 3 years
>Feels great man
>Get an experiment to work that hasn't worked for 15 years
>Impress boss
F**k yes. I actually yelled 'SUCK MY BALLS, WORLD' in the middle of lab.
f**k yeah. we dont get many work related stories here.
i remember one time, i was just new at this job (lournalist btw) and people were kind of hazing me, ginving me sh*t stories to work out. one day they gave a report made by standard and poor's to build a a story with. thing is, it was already 6pm. and there was no way i would ever be able to speak to a specialist.
i just went straight to the f**king source. my country is 5 hours ahead of the US, so i called the headquarters in NY and spoke directly to them. i got the story in, with an exclusive source at 8:00pm, right on the f**king deadline.
Good job anon, you're Canadian.
Not necessarily. In the US we had Sacagawea dollar coins for a time; they failed miserably because no one wanted coins worth a dollar (or coins at all for that matter). Still don't. Coins suck nuts. Part of the reason I only ever use credit/debit card unless I'm at a bar.
>Highschool bio class, would do nothing but f**k around
>read random books, Play games on calculator
>Ace all tests given, even one i chose to take after being out a week
>Teacher says if the whole class was like anon we'd sit around and watch the simpsons all week, then take a test each friday
YOU GUYS
I am the millionth visitor on some kind of website!
The happiest day of my life.
> Do state college-in-high-school program halftime
> Take basic cell biology at community college
> High Score on high school genetics class exams without trying
> King Sh*t of Turd Hill
likeaboss.jpg
>Lane-splitting along the freeway on my motorcycle. (California, so it's kinda legal)
>Going like 85mph
>Solid-black Highway Patrol Camero pulls up along side me in fast lane.
>Black officer wearing sunglasses looks at me.
>He gives me a coolface and speeds off at like 90.
AWESOME.jpg
>12 years old
>childhood friends hot mom notices me ogling her in her bathing suit while swimming.
>later that evening getting ready to leave
>she leans down to give me a hug goodbye and rubs her big delicious titties in my face for an extended amount of time then pats me on the head and winks
>extended amount of f**k yeah
>Me and straight guy get drunk
>I flirt with him all night
>End up on my knees, opening his jeans
>"Dude, what the f**k?"
>"Are you gonna stop me?"
>"... No."
>DICKS EVERYWHERE
>In the middle of class in HS
>get into argument with some black kid
>make him look stupid
>he punches me in the eye
>I start laughing at him hysterically
>he never f**ks with me again
Or
>also in HS
>Mexican kid tries to act like tough sh*t and asks if I wanna go outside
>I say yes and tell him after you
>he nearly sets off the fire alarm by opening the emergency exit door
>extreme lulz
>Win middle school spelling competition easily.
>Friend asks who won the contest later that day.
"Oh, I did." coolface.jpg
Also,
>District spelling competition, the word is "course."
Knowing that it's a homonym, I use the alternate word coarse, which is legal because the definition wasn't yet specified. I won the competition but not with that word, everyone got a t-shirt and because I was the winner I received the last one which was a dozen times too big.
>douchebag kid throws water bottle at me in class
>catch it
>throw it back and nail him in the back of the head with it
>it was half full
>he gives me a death glare
>trollface.jpg
>In the middle of class in HS
>get into argument with some black kid
>make him look stupid
>he punches me in the eye
>I start laughing at him hysterically
>he never f**ks with me again
Or
>also in HS
>Mexican kid tries to act like tough sh*t and asks if I wanna go outside
>I say yes and tell him after you
>he nearly sets off the fire alarm by opening the emergency exit door
>extreme lulz
Oh you just reminded me...
>12
>Dipsh*t decides to start a fight with me
>Hits me twice as I'm defending myself
>I back up and tell him to stay away
>Douche comes back up to me
>One solid punch straight to his face
>Broken nose, concussion, dozens of stunned onlooking students
>Never get f**ked with again
Various amounts of laziness during high school:
>Junior Adv. English
>C**t teacher assigns like 2 page paper or whatever sometime beginning of 2nd semester
>Never do it
>She never graded it
F**k yeah.
>Calculus
>Often sleep a lot in class, slept in quite a few classes too
>Passing grades, graduate with 3.52 gpa
F**k yeah.
>Senior Adv English
>Have to do these journals every week
>Did them for like 2 months then not again for rest of year
>Get like a A or B in class
F**k yeah.
>driving home extremely drunk and high
>undercover cop follows me
>3 moving violations, headlights off for a mile before I realized it, and speeding. Also, suspended license.
>get off with a warning provided my friend drive the rest of the way home.
smoothest sh*t I ever pulled in my life
>swimf** in high school
>senior year, only senior to get snubbed as a captain (there were 4 of us)
>Talk to coach: "F**k that, coach; you know what? I'mma prove you wrong; I'm going to swim in the state meet, and I'll do it by knocking out one of our captains at sections"
>make goal to beat one of our captains at 100 back; this captain is a c**ky douchebag, always touting that he's been @ state since freshman year, etc., he's the only one that really deserved captain, etc.
>lift a lot, get really strong, but sandbag meets so no one sees progress (wear slow suits only, only really try off turns in meets)
>get a little c**ky, decide that at the last home meet (senior night) I'll finally try in 100 back
>beat everyone in the pool (including captain fa**ot) by 2 seconds; swim a :54.6, get a state-cut time
>swim again 3 weeks later at sections, swim a second faster, get second in sections (second to eventual state champ and good friend from another school), again beating our captain; captain incensed, tells me he's gonna f**k me at state, when he's "tapered" (he made state cut on time)
>swim in same heat as captain in state meet, I get 8th in all heats, he gets 9th overall; I make championship heat, he gets consolation
>stand on podium after final meet/event of the season, 6th place in state; point at team, solid eye contact with coach for 10 seconds while on podium, piercing "F**k You" glare
>Coach admits to everyone that he made a terrible mistake not choosing me as a captain at the end-of-season banquet; shake coach's hand, smile, and say "It's ok coach; I mean after all, you're just a high school teacher; no way you can know everything" really condescendingly, but quietly so no one else can hear
>F**k Yeah
This was my one and only goal through the entire summer, fall and winter of my senior year of high school, and when I did it (albeit at state, not sections), it was like all right was restored in the world again.
>driving home extremely drunk and high
>undercover cop follows me
>3 moving violations, headlights off for a mile before I realized it, and speeding. Also, suspended license.
>get off with a warning provided my friend drive the rest of the way home.
smoothest sh*t I ever pulled in my life
I never have problems driving when I'm drunk. I never forget any of the rules, never speed and in general, I'm told I drive far safer when I'm drunk.
Standing up, on the other hand... That's tricky.
>grade school
>dickhead bully who pisses everyone off waiting in like for tether ball
>get sick of his sh*t and MONKEY LEAP ONTO HIS BACK, BITING AND CLAWING HIS NECK LIKE THE APESH*T LITTLE BOY I WAS
>walk away with a coolface.jpg
>he runs up and kicks me in the leg
>teacher sees and he gets in trouble
>trollfacejr.jpg
OR
>HS
>annoying douchebag starting sh*t with me
>pushes me down
>I act like I broke my wrist, holding it and wincing, making pain sounds etc.
>teacher comes and takes him to the office
>I stand up, brush myself off and walk away with yet another trollface.jpg
ITT: Mr. B is f**king mental.
>AP US History
>Regularly get C's and D's on tests
>Forced to take AP exam
>Dont Study
>Smoke Eigth before test
>Take AP exam
>Vauge Haze
>Scores come in the mail
>Got a 5/5
Feels Good Bro
>Made the Dean's List last quarter
>Got recommendation from technical writing teacher
>Got A's on oral presentations even though I was nervous as f**k
Hell yeah!
>enter college
>witness the biggest bunch of f**king idiots in my entire life
>watch idiots fail even the most basic computer classes
>get huge favor treatments from teachers just to piss the f**kers all off
>graduate with honors and land high-paying job
>see one of the idiots six months later making me a Subway
>Give speech in congress about how bullsh*t "hate crimes" are
>mention project chaneology
>Hot as hell indian girl on team comes up afterwords
>"Yo. Nice job plugging anonymous back there, anon"
>"Oh sh*t, you know about web?"
>"Hell yeah I do. Thought I was the only one"
>conversation continues like this for hours
>get head from her by the end of the day
AWWWYEAH.PNG
>Give speech in congress about how bullsh*t "hate crimes" are
>mention project chaneology
>Hot as hell indian girl on team comes up afterwords
>"Yo. Nice job plugging anonymous back there, anon"
>"Oh sh*t, you know about web?"
>"Hell yeah I do. Thought I was the only one"
>conversation continues like this for hours
>get head from her by the end of the day
AWWWYEAH.PNG
>Hot as hell indian girl
Knew story was bullsh*t at this point
ITT: Mr. B is f**king mental.
Nah, I just don't take sh*t from dickheads and enjoy watching people get what they deserve. I'd never intentionally harm or wrong someone who didn't deserve it. That's just not cool.
>Hot as hell indian girl
Knew story was bullsh*t at this point
Ni**er I could get you some pictures.
Ni**er I could get you some pictures.
then get us some, tripni**er
Ni**er I could get you some pictures.
go for it
encourgementandenticement
>elementary school
>get ass kicked every day on playground by bully by second strongest kid in school
>spend every day reminding myself that this is because he's mad that I'm better than him
>make friends with strongest kid
>no more bullying
>make friends with bully
>years later, look back on life
>I'm a junior in college, deans list, get 10K in scholarships for merit each semester
>he has been put on academic probation 3 times and crashed his car once because he's a f**k-up, still lives at home
feelsgoodman.jpg
Ni**er I could get you some pictures.
brb looking for a picture of random indian girl on facebook
>Go to SCA event
>Get swarmed by a pack of hot cougars in medieval garb
>Get pulled to one of their tents
>AWWWWW Yeeeaaaa.
>Never see or hear from them again
>Didn't even find out their names.
then get us some, tripni**er
go for it
encourgementandenticement
Maybe it's just me, but I find this attractive as sh*t.
> High school girl friend about to leave for a different college
>Sex
> "I want you to cum in me"
> I came
> F**k yeah
>about 13 years old
>playing tackle football at night
>catch football, 4 guys jump on me (no homo)
>I maintain balance carrying / dragging ALL of them about 6 paces
F**K YEA
Along this vein:
>Football @ recess, 4th grade
>People make fun of me because I'm not a fast runner; I have good hands, am strong, but I'm slow
>Play tackle football one day
>That day, I score 4 TDs; 2 as wideout until I carry some fa**ot into the endzone with me (one of my harshest critics); after that, I'm RB since no one can tackle me; stiff-arms left and right. Sh*t was so cash
>We never played tackle football again, because no one wanted to play against me
>GAMECHANGER F**K YEAH
Never played in high school, always kinda wondered if I would have been good
>be britf**
>be in highschool
>be typical anon about sport (skinnyfat, no interest in sport, socially retarded anyway)
>football, cricket, longball, rounders, hockey
>be sh*t, be picked only before retards and fatties every time
>tag rugby
>first sport I'm better than average at, manage to catch people's tags every now and then, dodge and run reasonably well
>contact rugby lessons begin
>chase other players like a cheetah, launch into people and catch every poor fa**ot who happened to get the ball on whichever side of the pitch I was on
>be untouchable, duck, weave, roll my way through people, and if ever get caught manage to break free or just power through their grab
>score winning tries
>get picked first
>every lesson for two and half months
feelsgoodman
Maybe it's just me, but I find this attractive as sh*t.
lrn2/crop, but okay. not hot as f**k but not bad for a cumdumpster
>anonymous thread about moments of victory
>sh*t ton of sports/girl moments
What the f**k? Who are you f**kers and why are you here?
>Teacher comes up with a "difficult math problem"
>Couldn't be bothered.
>Prize is a free beer for whoever solves first
>Meh....
>Brother (yeah, same class) convinces me
>Ask if he gets one too, answer is yes
>Start cracking for two minutes and solved it
>Get beer and drink with my brother in class
This one time I did pretty good at a video game.
Not like any normalf**s here will care, so I'm not posting it.
> Three weeks ago
> Mom, her boyfriend, her friend, and her friend's f**k buddy are partying at our house.
> Mom's friend tells f**k buddy that she doesn't have feelings for him and doesn't want to be more than f**k buddies.
> He gets butthurt because he loves her.
> She treats him like sh*t all night
> He decides he wants to drive home (drunk.)
> Mom's boyfriend tries to convince him not to leave because we don't want him arrested or dead.
> He refuses, so boyfriend has to force him to sit down.
> They get into a fight.
> I get pissed at the noise and emerge from my room, shirtless.
> Help break up the fight, and chokeslam the drunk f**kbuddy onto my couch and tell him that if he's going to die tonight, he should let me do it instead of dying on the road.
> Get him in a headlock so he can't go after my mom's boyfriend again.
> Tell him to calm the f**k down.
> I'm a skinny fa**ot, and I somehow manage to hold him there.
> I let go, he leaves anyway.
> Mom's friend tells me I look hot shirtless
> Mom's friend comes in my room later to lay down.
> We start making out
> I suck on her tits
> she throws me off of her
> Gets on top of me
> Rips my pants off
> Cougar Blowjob
> F**k yeah
This is the best f**k yeah moment I have ever read. Bro f**king fist.
>Getting off highway
>Cruising in 5th @ 60mph
>See offramp light turn yellow
>Drop into 2nd and turn
>Perfect drift around two riced hondas
>In my Ford E-150
>F**k yea
haha, I would've loved to see that
There was one black girl in the entire grade and she was super smart and didn't screw around at all. The only other person that was black was only half black. My entire city is wh**re central. If you haven't f**ked by 8th grade, you were in the lowest minority possible.
Lemme guess: Miami?
>Riding train with friends, realize we're at our stop.
>Run off as quick as we can because we were chatting before we noticed.
>Realize we left all our bags on the train.
>Sprint on the train by myself, seize the bags.
>DIVE THROUGH THE CLOSING DOORS AND DO A ROLL ON LANDING.
>Watch the whole train clap as it leaves.
Felt so f**king good man.
>Sitting at intersection by busy pedestrian sidewalk on my bike
>clipless pedals, so I don't want to dab
>trackstand between two cars for like a minute while I wait for the light to change; move like 3 inches the whole time
>pedestrians are at corner watching me (it's a nice spring Saturday, so the pedestrians are out in force)
>light changes, I ride off
>hear clapping over music in my headphones; 'were they clapping at me?'
>Turn around, get thumbs-up from several pedestrians
>f**k yeah
If you don't know what I'm talking about, that's ok. Just know that I balanced on my bike without moving or putting my foot on the ground for like a minute.
Maybe it's just me, but I find this attractive as sh*t.
Yeah, it's just you bro.
justyoux
>Playing football with friends in highschool
>Accidentally kick a guy's hand as he was picking up the ball. I wanted to kick it just for the hell of it.
>Tries to kick me in the shin, I jump over.
>Tries to kick me at waist level. I somehow jump over that too.
>Run like hell before he gets really mad.
Closest I've ever gotten to being in a real fight :(
Also did a 6 foot jump from a stationary position for a fitness test. Nicknamed Grasshopper after that.
This one time I did pretty good at a video game.
Not like any normalf**s here will care, so I'm not posting it.
There have been at least three posts about Dorf Fort, and a helluva lot of the sh*t here has been geeky as f**k. Stop whining.
>anonymous thread about moments of victory
>sh*t ton of sports/girl moments
What the f**k? Who are you f**kers and why are you here?
Because our best moments were 5+ years ago in grade school. Feels bad, man.
Kinda depressing when you realize that you have never had one of these moments in your entire life.
So, either everyone in this thread is either underage b&, or the last shining moment that they had was in grade school? I weep for you, anons.
>myspace hookup that was way out of my league comes over to watch Princess Mononoke
>We both knew it was really a date to get drunk and f**k
>had fun drinking, doing xanax, talking
>start fooling around 15 minutes into the film
>f**ked all night thanks to the pills and agreed to do it again the next night.
>made her orgasm 17 times to my 2 over the course of 3 nights.
f**k yeah within the 3 days of f**k yeah:
>giving me head and I told her to slow down because I was gonna cum.
>she goes crazy and I came rainbows down her throat.
>5 minutes of zen after that. best orgasm of my life.
>night after I face f**ked her until I came which was also god tier.
I was sore for days after and have never had a sexual experience that could top that week since. Thank you Hayao Miyazaki!
>find a girl I like
>talk to girl
>girl has liked me the entire time
>time passes
>I say I love her
>She loves me
>I'm ugly
>She loves me
>She's f**king gorgeous
>She loves me
>always have wanted to get with a chick taller than me
>New Years party
>chat up a cute girl. She's 6'1"
>two hours later, she's asking for my ween
>f**k yeh
>>Lonely in college, kind of shy
>>Get on yahoo personals, find a girl
>>Turns out she's one of the hottest models from Southern Charms
>>Her and I go out for a year or so, lose my virginity to her
Pretty awesome.. we're still good friends, and I can always see her naked online. ^_^
>>Lonely in college, kind of shy
>>Get on yahoo personals, find a girl
>>Turns out she's one of the hottest models from Southern Charms
>>Her and I go out for a year or so, lose my virginity to her
Pretty awesome.. we're still good friends, and I can always see her naked online. ^_^
Is it Cherie?
> schlick
> come bees
Beat that, anon
> schlick
> come bees
Beat that, anon
>Fappin to lolis.
>Cum pancakes.
>Whole. Pancakes.
>>Sr. in high school, American govt class
>>We're doing a fake congress
>>Have to research something, present a bill
>>We debate it
>>One kid proposes a tax on import/export between states in the United States
>>I remember reading two days before in the book a section of the Constitution clearly forbidding that
>>I find it, point it out during debate
>>"I think what you propose is an amendment to the Constitution, not a new bill."
>>Everyone looks at me in shock
>>Teacher gives me a "f**k yeah!" look
>>Get a 100 in the course because of that
Felt pretty awesome.. I think the kid hated me from then on though
>Jiujitsu when I was 15
>I'm literally not even a white belt, where I trained you have to earn your white belt
>Join the class to stop getting bullied in school
>Get bullied in jiujitsu class by these big huge jock guys anyways.
>I'm so bad after a few weeks that the professor barely even pays attention to me while we're rolling
>Professor is randomly walking by when I'm rolling with this huge jock guy who's like 6'3" 200 lbs and has been bullying me nonstop since I joined and who has a purple belt.
>Jock guy loses his concentration and sticks his neck out
>I grab a guillotine and squeeze harder than I've ever squeezed in my entire goddamn life.
>When he wakes up, the professor told him he had to hand me my brand new white belt in a ceremony at the end of class.
This is probably the lamest story in the thread, but it made me feel like a goddamn champion. It almost made the next few months of bullying (until I started lifting weights and everyone all decided I was "cool now") worth it.
>Fappin to lolis.
>Cum pancakes.
>Whole. Pancakes.
Nicely done, sir
>Be on the Speech Team in high school
>Have a fun time, even though the coaches are super-serial and only let me do a mediocre category.
>Final "victory lap" speech event in front of the whole school, I graduate in two weeks.
>Instead of giving my expected speech, I perform "The Running Man" and run out of the theater. Many lulz had by students.
>Speech coaches? They mad.
>Awesomeface.jpg
> Just got back from Air Force
> Go to piano bar and watch dueling Pianos
> Cute girls try to buy me drinks
F**K YEAH
Is it Cherie?
No, not Cherie.
>Jiujitsu when I was 15
>I'm literally not even a white belt, where I trained you have to earn your white belt
>Join the class to stop getting bullied in school
>Get bullied in jiujitsu class by these big huge jock guys anyways.
>I'm so bad after a few weeks that the professor barely even pays attention to me while we're rolling
>Professor is randomly walking by when I'm rolling with this huge jock guy who's like 6'3" 200 lbs and has been bullying me nonstop since I joined and who has a purple belt.
>Jock guy loses his concentration and sticks his neck out
>I grab a guillotine and squeeze harder than I've ever squeezed in my entire goddamn life.
>When he wakes up, the professor told him he had to hand me my brand new white belt in a ceremony at the end of class.
This is probably the lamest story in the thread, but it made me feel like a goddamn champion. It almost made the next few months of bullying (until I started lifting weights and everyone all decided I was "cool now") worth it.
I train at Gracie Barra. Reading stories like this warm my heart. Good show.
>Jumped out of a window at my university 4 months ago
>Survived
>Shattered ankles, broke right arm,
>Got a blow job from the nurse the afternoon I came in
>Told her I was Gay
>Loved her, hated her, Ate her out
>Came in her cum
>chocked her, ate her breast, grilled,
>BUT WAIT, called her parents, told them it was urgent
>Sucked the father c**k infront of her dead body
>made the mother give me head,
>Loved it, hated it, slaughtered them on their anniversary,
Now you tell me, is that unforgivable?
>Jumped out of a window at my university 4 months ago
>Survived
>Shattered ankles, broke right arm,
>Got a blow job from the nurse the afternoon I came in
>Told her I was Gay
>Loved her, hated her, Ate her out
>Came in her cum
>chocked her, ate her breast, grilled,
>BUT WAIT, called her parents, told them it was urgent
>Sucked the father c**k infront of her dead body
>made the mother give me head,
>Loved it, hated it, slaughtered them on their anniversary,
Now you tell me, is that unforgivable?
>Went to my mothers house
>Told her I finished graduate school
>she cried
>I laughed
>pulled of her clothes,
>Raped her
>put on a garbage bag on her head
>Gave her a raspberry
>Farted on the carpet
>Slapped her, pissed on her,
>told her I quit graduate school 8 years ago
>she cried
>ATE dinner with her after the rape
>AT our family reunion THAT night
>Loved the food, Ate the food
>THREW IT UP ON MY GRANDMAS..... ASHES.
>Vaccuumed the ashes up
>Snorted it with cocaine
Now, is THAT unforgivable!?
>In first year engineering against my will
>Decide to have fun and show engineers up
>Don't do a single homework problem in chem
>Pass with an A
>People are calling me a genius
>Still did horribly in every other class but
>Felt good, man
me and my mate were playing WoW all day and being massive nerds, go and get drunk with our course that night, hottest girl on course (gorgeous blonde) hooks up with mate and they go at it in mah room.
I DON'T CARE IT WAS F**KING AWESOME I FELT HIS PLEASURE IN ME
me and my mate were playing WoW all day and being massive nerds, go and get drunk with our course that night, hottest girl on course (gorgeous blonde) hooks up with mate and they go at it in mah room.
I DON'T CARE IT WAS F**KING AWESOME I FELT HIS PLEASURE IN ME
Then you kicked us out
Then you kicked us out
i was jealous and it smelt of passion and you, which enhanced my simulation experience
>>Took compsci for 3 years in high school after teaching myself
>>Do bad on AP test because I don't care
>>Go to college, get put in intro classes
>>In compsci 202 course, professor gets mad at me for not doing homework
>>But I do every program correctly, faster than he could do it
>>Resents me and says, "You're the type of student who discourages teachers."
f**k yeah!
Had a laugh with Sylvester Stallone on the set of Rocky Balboa.
He put his hand on my shoulder and told me I was a real funny guy. :D
You've also been in a sexual relationship with your mom for the last seven years.
Am I right?
Uk here.
>First time playing softball
>Kids always use to run in towards player when they doubted they were gonna hit it for weak kids
>Everyone ran in my turn to bat
>Hit it as hard as I could.
>Hit annoying P.E God right in the face, it was a f**king good shot and all
>Him walking off pitch in agony
>My Face
Post ending in doubles decides the next thing i say to the girl im trying to get to go out with me.
>Softball game in PE. No fences. Ball can go as far as it wants without being insta home run
>Take up bat. I f**king suck at all sports
>Hit a real Babe Ruth of a ball
>Score a triple and hold
>Team yells for me to press forward
>Hesitate a bit. Evaluate how quickly the ball returns.
>Make a mad dash
>Slide on home plate
>Catcher catches ball and hits my leg with his glove
>"...Safe."
>YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
>Won a national chess tournament
...
>> Go see New moon with ex-girlfriend (who was a true Mormon)
>> Make throughout whole movie
>> For a little bit, start licking her ear/neck
>> Whispers "Oh my God, Oh my God!" in my ear like she's cumming.
>> Almost insta-cum in pants.
>3rd grade
>last day of school
>we get to play tackle football as a treat
>i intercept the ball and start running toward the goal line
>5-6 classmates are grabbing my arms and legs
>drag their bodies to the touchdown and win the game
>Goliath status
>typical web browsing college student working at a retail store to earn money
>new bosses to replace old ones at work
>one of the new bosses' name is "Olga"
>say to one of my friends "Nice, we have a Russian boss now... maybe sh*t will actually get done"
>she overhears, smiles, instantly likes me
>she's 24, engaged, ridiculously attractive
>engaged
feelsbadman.jpg
>casually hit on her for no more than a week
>about to sign out for the night, she says there was a discrepancy at my register and I need to sign something
>go to back office
>only two people left in the store
>we instantly start making out
>I start eating her out
>she squirts all over the rug
>leave like nothing happens
>go in the next day
>office still smells musty
trollface.jpg
>no more engagement ring on Olga
holysh*tthisisawesome.jpg
>yesterday was birthday
>girl gave me a birthday present
>first time eating out any girl ever
>when im done she rates me an 8/10
>:3
>look out over edge of bridge considering suicide
>hear music playing from my car
>be awestruck by the beauty of music
>have moment of indescribable clarity
>step away from edge
finding a reason beyond fear not to die. feels good man.
>some guy I don't even know starts sh*t with me
>I'm a very passive guy, just brush it off
>walk away
>He punches me
>hits a bone
>hurts him a lot more than it hurts me
>u mad?
>continue to walk away.
Had a laugh with Sylvester Stallone on the set of Rocky Balboa.
He put his hand on my shoulder and told me I was a real funny guy. :D
Weren't you also the guy who had an on-going sexual relationship with your mom for several years?
Don't even try to deny it, I remember the thread clearly.
Same thing happened to me but with a Pepsi. It was basically the best day of my life.
Oh yeah? Well one time I got THREE gumballs from a gumball machine.
>before i continue reading,
This is a badass thread
lol OP, playing piano is really aweomse.
>at friends house
>start playing some waltz on piano
>friends parents congratulate me
>female girlfriends house
>"oooh nice piano"
>"it was my grandmothers"
>play some Grace Kelly, I know girls like
>friends mom walks by
>shocked
>everyone loves me
>female girlfriends house
Uhhh...?
Most GIRLfriends would be female, bro?
>wake up in the morning.
>am awesome.
>feels good man
having this weird game in phys ed where you're supposed run in a circle with another guy, and the one who catches the other wins. You have to pat the back of the opponent to win.
Me and this other guy runs around for a good 10 min, equally fast and all.
I stop, look him dead in the eyes, with a "udead" look...
fa**ot tries to reach out for me, i dodge him, jump in behind his back and pats him.
epic cheers from the rest of the class
> only black kid in rich white neighborhood
> get looked down at by teachers and have kids pick fights with you all the way through high school
> track star, basketball co-captain, and 4.16 GPA, still fukin haters
> get into UC Berkley while retarded rich white kids go to community college
>niggatrollface
bump for encouragement
rovovlox
60% of all threads I make on web get more than 200 replies.
>>Got the highest score on anon Unicorn Attack
... I wish. =(
>Go to RAF Air Tattoo
>Meet kid in line to win a PSP, he has the high score
>Play flash game for chance to win PSP
>Get 99.0 percent
>Play again
>98.6 percent
>Play again
>98.9 percent
>Go away, have fun watching air stunts and sh*t
>Come back at the end of the day
>Kid is still there, hasn't beaten me
>He's been there all day, not left the tent, highest score is 97 percent
>Win PSP, 2 Slimline PS2s
>Kid cries
>F**K YEAR
>Go to RAF Air Tattoo
>Meet kid in line to win a PSP, he has the high score
>Play flash game for chance to win PSP
>Get 99.0 percent
>Play again
>98.6 percent
>Play again
>98.9 percent
>Go away, have fun watching air stunts and sh*t
>Come back at the end of the day
>Kid is still there, hasn't beaten me
>He's been there all day, not left the tent, highest score is 97 percent
>Win PSP, 2 Slimline PS2s
>Kid cries
>F**K YEAR
Just found aformentioned flash game
http://www.raf.mod.uk/careers/altitude/games/dz_game/dzgame.cfm
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