Monday, September 6, 2010

The most boring way to spend a night in bed

My girl jokes about my ability to perform in front of my friends, and often jokes "rape me!", when secretly in reality, it is her who has the condition and is unable to have sex. I am completely unsure on how to proceed with this situation.




She wants you and your friends to gangbang her.

Smack her in the chops, sounds embarassing for you OP.
Also
>implying you have friends or a girlfriend

Have you tried perhaps telling her you don't like it when she does that?

[x] Shouryuken.

She wants you to f**k her condition, literally. Just take her when you feel like it. She told you she wants it.

What sort of condition does she have?

Have you tried perhaps telling her you don't like it when she does that?

Well, yeah. But the topic usually quickly leads to the "cant actually have sex" issue and the conversation gos quiet pretty quickly. Never gets anywhere.

.. what condition?
shemaleism?
There is always plan B too

What sort of condition does she have?

Im guessing vaginimus. Tightening of the muscles with any contact or attempt of penetration, burning sensation? It feels kind of strange to think that its possible nothing has been inside her vagina ever.


Im guessing vaginimus. Tightening of the muscles with any contact or attempt of penetration, burning sensation? It feels kind of strange to think that its possible nothing has been inside her vagina ever.

or Vaginismus, whoops.

Women like to kiss with their eyes closed, which is why its so hard to identify a rapist


Im guessing vaginimus. Tightening of the muscles with any contact or attempt of penetration, burning sensation? It feels kind of strange to think that its possible nothing has been inside her vagina ever.

dude that sounds like a transformer


dude that sounds like a transformer

OP here. Id name a cat it.

Why can't she have sex? Sure sucks for you man, gotta be rough.

My girl jokes about my ability to perform in front of my friends, and often jokes "rape me!", when secretly in reality, it is her who has the condition and is unable to have sex. I am completely unsure on how to proceed with this situation.

>implying a woman has to perform at all for sex to take place
>implying you shouldn't use your penis as a weapon next time she does that
also pic related, it's what you should say/do to her

She sounds like a piece of sh*t person. Why are you with her? You can't even f**k her so what's the point of putting up with her stupid bullsh*t?


>implying a woman has to perform at all for sex to take place
>implying you shouldn't use your penis as a weapon next time she does that
also pic related, it's what you should say/do to her

Wont work. it tenses up so hard nothing ever is getting in. I dunno about you but if I was a girl and got to her age without ever being able to put anything in there id be a little worried. Especially since i seem to be so optimistic about having kids.

if a girl told me to rape her, I would simply say "Your request is equal to consent. Prepare to be violated."


Wont work. it tenses up so hard nothing ever is getting in. I dunno about you but if I was a girl and got to her age without ever being able to put anything in there id be a little worried. Especially since i seem to be so optimistic about having kids.

Put it in her a**hole.

Well obviously she needs you to rape her.. somehow.. i think... yeah


Wont work. it tenses up so hard nothing ever is getting in. I dunno about you but if I was a girl and got to her age without ever being able to put anything in there id be a little worried. Especially since i seem to be so optimistic about having kids.

never has the following phrase been more applicable, and the correct solution. Say it with me now:
J-J-J-J-J-JAM IT IN

if a girl told me to rape her, I would simply say "Your request is equal to consent. Prepare to be violated."

In public?

Put it in her a**hole.

i also win the award for most sexually boring girlfriend ever. She is seriously liable to faint at the sound and sight of spit/spitting, blood, any unidentified bodily fluids, or dry heave.
This sucks as much as it sounds.
So its clear that this girl means a lot to me, to put up with this so far, keep that in mind.

OP, does it only tense up when something touches it, or does it tense up when she gets aroused?
If it's only when something touches it, JAM IT IN...although, with your description, it sounds like your dick would literally get squished.


In public?

i also win the award for most sexually boring girlfriend ever. She is seriously liable to faint at the sound and sight of spit/spitting, blood, any unidentified bodily fluids, or dry heave.
This sucks as much as it sounds.
So its clear that this girl means a lot to me, to put up with this so far, keep that in mind.

F**KING FAINTING WHEN SEEING SPIT!?
ARE YOU SH*TTING ME!?!?
I don't know man, try getting her really drunk or see if she will take roofies to knock herself out so you can have your way with her. If shes OK with it.


Wont work. it tenses up so hard nothing ever is getting in. I dunno about you but if I was a girl and got to her age without ever being able to put anything in there id be a little worried. Especially since i seem to be so optimistic about having kids.

She might be able to still have kids, just needs to get some cum in her and get a c-section when the child birth happens


F**KING FAINTING WHEN SEEING SPIT!?
ARE YOU SH*TTING ME!?!?
I don't know man, try getting her really drunk or see if she will take roofies to knock herself out so you can have your way with her. If shes OK with it.

>hey babe, ya cool with me date rapin' ya?
>sure hon.


>hey babe, ya cool with me date rapin' ya?
>sure hon.

>i don't know the definition of rape

ok from my understanding what you're trying to say is that she gets horny but never actually wants to have sex
in which case she's got a problem wrong in her head that you have to help her fix. (i know. i used to claim to be asexual too).
here is what worked for me.
1) i got a lecture from my beautiful cousin about how i have to LET myself enjoy sex. i have to let go and ALLOW myself to be pleasured
2) i got high for the first time in months and i could barely keep my head up i was in a really great mood
3) i had a boyfriend who adored me "dont you understand that i know what you look like? i see you. i touch you. let me touch you the way i know you will enjoy it"
4) ...the boyfriend was italian (as in born and raised in italy)
So, OP, now you know what your mission is. go make your woman cum!

OP, does it only tense up when something touches it, or does it tense up when she gets aroused?
If it's only when something touches it, JAM IT IN...although, with your description, it sounds like your dick would literally get squished.

Tenses when anything touches it, and remains that way even when aroused.
OP, does it only tense up when something touches it, or does it tense up when she gets aroused?
If it's only when something touches it, JAM IT IN...although, with your description, it sounds like your dick would literally get squished.

Well, i probably could just force my way in but thats not exactly the best way to keep a girlfriend in ye old IRL. I cant tell you precisely what pain it causes because im not her, but its pretty visible. Anything more then half of the top bone of the pinky finger and her whole body clenches and jerks away.
Seems like the only thing she enjoys is to be rubbed lightly, then strangly, even lighter as she gets closer to finishing. By the time she finishes and starts spasming im basically tickling cats whiskers ( enters the lingo...now ). Its the deadset most boring way to spend a night in bed.


Tenses when anything touches it, and remains that way even when aroused.

Well, i probably could just force my way in but thats not exactly the best way to keep a girlfriend in ye old IRL. I cant tell you precisely what pain it causes because im not her, but its pretty visible. Anything more then half of the top bone of the pinky finger and her whole body clenches and jerks away.
Seems like the only thing she enjoys is to be rubbed lightly, then strangly, even lighter as she gets closer to finishing. By the time she finishes and starts spasming im basically tickling cats whiskers ( enters the lingo...now ). Its the deadset most boring way to spend a night in bed.

Has she ever looked into a way to fix the problem with surgery or something?

OP, it's simple. Put a condom on, pour tons of lube down there, then, when she's not looking, coat the condom in bleach and J-J-JAM IT IN.

ok from my understanding what you're trying to say is that she gets horny but never actually wants to have sex
in which case she's got a problem wrong in her head that you have to help her fix. (i know. i used to claim to be asexual too).
here is what worked for me.
1) i got a lecture from my beautiful cousin about how i have to LET myself enjoy sex. i have to let go and ALLOW myself to be pleasured
2) i got high for the first time in months and i could barely keep my head up i was in a really great mood
3) i had a boyfriend who adored me "dont you understand that i know what you look like? i see you. i touch you. let me touch you the way i know you will enjoy it"
4) ...the boyfriend was italian (as in born and raised in italy)
So, OP, now you know what your mission is. go make your woman cum!

But she does want to. There was a stage where i just had lost interest in trying because i thought it would never happen, she dragged me to bed one night asking to try sex again. It didnt happen, awkward night commences once again. I gave up because all i was getting was blue balls and a little embarrassed.


Tenses when anything touches it, and remains that way even when aroused.

Well, i probably could just force my way in but thats not exactly the best way to keep a girlfriend in ye old IRL. I cant tell you precisely what pain it causes because im not her, but its pretty visible. Anything more then half of the top bone of the pinky finger and her whole body clenches and jerks away.
Seems like the only thing she enjoys is to be rubbed lightly, then strangly, even lighter as she gets closer to finishing. By the time she finishes and starts spasming im basically tickling cats whiskers ( enters the lingo...now ). Its the deadset most boring way to spend a night in bed.

Anal, buddy. It's the way of the future.

On the flip side, i dont worry too much about her cheating. I wasnt terribly interested or devoted to women during the time i met her, and she more or less came to me.


Tenses when anything touches it, and remains that way even when aroused.

Well, i probably could just force my way in but thats not exactly the best way to keep a girlfriend in ye old IRL. I cant tell you precisely what pain it causes because im not her, but its pretty visible. Anything more then half of the top bone of the pinky finger and her whole body clenches and jerks away.
Seems like the only thing she enjoys is to be rubbed lightly, then strangly, even lighter as she gets closer to finishing. By the time she finishes and starts spasming im basically tickling cats whiskers ( enters the lingo...now ). Its the deadset most boring way to spend a night in bed.

I'd kind of like to see what that looks like. No advice from me OP though, except maybe the two of you should see a doctor or a psychologist or something.


Has she ever looked into a way to fix the problem with surgery or something?

Yeah this sounds beyond any normal pain a girl might feel whrn trying to have sex.. See a doctor.

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